An automatic transmission is a fine accessory to have -- if you consider the application of concealer to be a vital part of your daily routine. Automatic transmissions are for those who find driving to be a confusing task, for those who need to focus 100% on pushing one pedal, but unfortunately find themselves frequently distracted by things like cell phones, makeup, favorite food items, and things that are shiny. One of the obvious downsides to this propensity to distraction is, when it comes time for these drivers to gently tug the steering wheel to either the left or right, they end up crashing into moving cars, parked cars or anything in their immediate vicinity.
Rather than admit that driving is a skill that needs to be practiced and mastered, the people who favor automatic transmissions blame their poor driving skills on everyone and everything else. “The tree jumped out into the middle of the road!” they will exclaim, quickly followed by a cry of, “There was no way to avoid it!” Of course, these drivers will be sure to omit the fact that they were texting, checking their lip gloss, and/or trying to master the use of the sippy cup holding their double tall nonfat chai latte.
You’ll never see a real man commit any of the driving atrocities mentioned above, because real men drive cars with manual transmissions. Real men understand that cars need three pedals, otherwise the vehicle is nothing more than a fancy golf cart. Men understand that driving is a skill, and that the best way to master this skill is to maintain absolute control of all aspects of a car at all times. If you think it’s better to let the car tell you what to do, you may as well turn in your testicles so that they don’t get in the way of your marathon sessions of watching The View.
Someone surely got excited by our mention of The View, and it is to this person we humbly suggest that they put down the Appletini and check out our list of the top 10 reasons real men drive stick.
No.10 A manual transmission is the ultimate in control
There’s a reason we have to suffer the unfunny jokes about how men don’t like to relinquish the TV remote: men do enjoy being in control. It goes without saying that most men would rather be the boss than the subordinate. A car with a manual transmission lets the driver be the boss of the car; throttle response will always be immediate, intuitive and easily controlled.
Despite what engineers may say, modern cars aren’t that smart. Cars that shift themselves will often hold the wrong gear, or shift up at the worst possible time, resulting in a car that treats the gas pedal as a suggestion box -- which it then promptly ignores. The automatic car is going to tell you what to do, and ultimately make you its bitch.
No.9 You can use automotive jargon and not sound like a total tool
Having an ability to drive stick can make one sound like an authority on all things automotive when talking with the fairer sex, even if you don’t know what you’re talking about. If, while on a date, you should come across a vehicle moving at a pace that would make a glacier impatient, say with an annoyed confidence that the driver is “granny-shifting and not double-clutching like he should.” There is a good chance you’ll sound cool. Manly, even.
Of course, you would be reciting one of the more embarrassing Fast and Furious quotes that really has no meaning. If your date fully understands what you just tried to say and calls you out on it, you found one of the few women in the world who knows and cares about cars. If you can convince her not to leave you for using such a cheesy line, marry her -- now.
No.8 You can't spell "manual" without "man"
Men and manual transmissions seem to go hand in hand, and not just because you can’t say “manual” without first saying “man.” There’s a rich history of men accomplishing heroic things in cars with standard transmissions, leading to colorful phrases that still sound cool and testosterone-charged. The words “four on the floor” still conjure up images of a mustachioed driver muscling his Oldsmobile 4-4-2 down the 1,320. However, If you hear those words and think of dancing, perhaps AM isn’t the site for you.
Automatic transmissions just aren’t considered cool; they are designed and built for your grandmother and have unappealing nicknames like “slushbox.” Newer dual-clutch automatic transmissions don’t fare much better, and are now often called “flappy paddle gearboxes.” Nothing flappy will ever be manly.
No.7 Manual transmissions prove you can do more than one thing at a time
Some people have a hard time walking and sipping chai lattes at the same time. No one respects these people. We as a society respect those who can do more than one thing at a time -- especially if they can do those things well. Men who excel at performing multiple, complex motor movements at one time, such as professional athletes, often enjoy an almost godlike status.
Shifting a car manually is really quite complex. The process of changing gears involves releasing the gas with the right foot, depressing the clutch with the left foot, using your right hand to select a different gear, then simultaneously releasing the clutch as you press down on the gas -- hoping to engage the clutch and throttle at a very specific “sweet spot” that varies from car to car. The challenge only increases when trying to do things like start from a standstill on a hill. Being good at driving a manual car may not lead to a life showered in money and women, but we can bet that every professional racecar driver knows how to drive a stick.
No.6 You can't drift in an auto
Some look at the sport of drifting as a nothing more than kids doing donuts in souped-up cars. We -- along with drivers like Dale Earnhardt Jr., Kasey Kahne and Pikes Peak legend Ron Millen -- respectfully disagree. Drifting is the most extreme form of car control, and driving sideways at 90 mph on a professional level requires a massive set of balls -- and a car with a manual transmission.
We could use this space to briefly explain the clutch kick technique of initiating a drift, but then a bunch of kids will get angry at us for not also mentioning things like “feint” or “power-over.” One doesn’t need to understand the techniques used to initiate a drift to understand why a manual transmission is beneficial in a drift car. Listen to any car mid-drift and you can hear the engine bouncing off the rev-limiter. This noise often means that the car’s engine is in the sweet spot of its powerband, allowing the car to maintain its drift as it powers through the course. Try and do this in an automatic and watch the sideways shenanigans die as the transmission shifts up early and kills the power.
No.5 You can't pull fancy moves in an automatic
The heel-toe maneuver is considered by many to be an elite driving technique that is crucial in the testosterone-filled world of motor racing. The heel-toe maneuver allows one to downshift, rev-match and brake all at the same time.
This technique will have the driver operate the clutch normally with the left foot. The ball of the right foot will be on the brake, slowing the car down, while at the same time the heel of the right foot will “blip” the throttle during the gear change, matching the engine speed to the wheel speed. Not only does this technique help keep the engine in the desired powerband, it reduces drivetrain jolt, greatly reducing wear and tear on the transmission.
So important is this technique that many new sport-tuned cars will automatically blip the throttle on every downshift. Right now this automatic blipping is seen mostly on regular or dual-clutch-equipped automatic transmissions. The new Nissan 370Z introduced an automatic rev-matching mode for even the manual transmission-equipped cars.
No.4 You get better fuel economy with a stick
We know that eco-warriordom at its core is the antitheses of manliness, but perhaps not all things eco-friendly are for wusses. Manual transmissions have historically been more energy efficient than traditional automatic transmissions, and a quick look at EPA numbers will show that a manual version of a car can get 1 to 2 more miles per gallon than its identical automatic-equipped sibling.
“Green” is trendy right now, and that means that all the ladies (especially the attractive ones) are doing what they can to project a “green” image. Play your cards right and the ladies will be all over you when you tell them that your manual Jeep Compass gets several mpg more on the highway than the automatic version.
No.3 You’ll never look like a chump if you can drive stick
Call it a typical weekend for us: Our friend gets sh*t-faced, goes home with a girl with only a great personality and leaves us to drive his car home. En route to said friend’s car, we are inevitably stopped by some nice young ladies in need of a ride somewhere. Last time, it was the girls from Lingerie Football League team Los Angeles Temptation asking us for a ride to a hot tub party.
If this sort of situation happens to us all the time, we’ve gotta assume that it’s a common occurrence for many other men as well. Imagine how emasculated you’d feel if you got to your friend’s car, ladies in tow, and had to explain to them that you couldn’t help them out because you just now realized your friend’s car is a stick, and you never learned how to drive one. Real men have never experienced such embarrassment, and luckily enough, neither have we.
No.2 Manual transmission cars are faster
Having full control over a car has its advantages. Take a car out for a spirited drive and you’ll find that, when the engine is in a certain rpm range, it just feels alive. This is the “sweet spot” of the engine’s powerband, and it typically signifies the point in the powerband when the power curve starts to get a bit more aggressive.
With a manual transmission car, you can find exactly where this sweet spot is and keep the car there. For example, let’s say the sweet spot for your car’s engine starts at 5,000 rpm and ends at 8,000 rpm. Most manual transmissions will let you stay in this sweet spot, meaning that if you shift up at 8,000 rpm, the engine speed won’t fall below 5,000 rpm. You stay in the sweet spot of the powerband.
Connect this same motor to an automatic transmission and you’d never see this sweet spot; the car will shift up before you ever get there. Should you somehow get the engine to actually reach that magic point in the rev band, the auto box would quickly shift up and kill the power. This helps boost EPA numbers, but results in a car that can put your grandma to sleep. Real men don't drive cars that can double as sedatives.
No.1 Women like a guy who is good with his hands.
We have been fortunate to have a job that pays us to talk to beautiful women. Playmates, TV starlets, fashion models; you name 'em, we’ve talked with ‘em. Yes, they all give the standard statement that they like guys with good senses of humor, but they also all say that they like a man who is good with his hands. It takes a certain amount of finesse to drive a stick shift well, and women know that. If you can show a lady that you are skilled enough to shift a car without giving her whiplash, she’ll be sure to want to see what other skills you have.
